It is two years since anxiety made an unwelcome reappearance in my life and put me firmly on my arse. A lot has changed since then, for all of us. So where are we now, two years on?
For a start there is much less I and much more we – a massive shift for us and a massive leap of faith for me. We’re still figuring it all out but gradually we are collectively finding new ways of living that seem to work. We are also rapidly approaching the fabled Day 365 – a full year of one of us going out the house every single day and often more than once a day.
Our world is still comparatively small, but we chip away at things slowly – we can now go to the four supermarkets fairly reliably, a big change from struggling to get to the corner shop, as well as a few other shops in town. We have been out into the surrounding countryside as we explore, on foot, our little patch of nature. A full Caffè Nero loyalty card is no longer a novelty, but is still quietly celebrated. We attend therapy appointments and sit for the session – all that pacing was exhausting.
More than that, we are slowly finding ways to be individuals with our own likes and dislikes, our own abilities, our own limitations and triggers and fears and so on. We are learning to coexist in a way we just haven’t been able to before.
Does anxiety still sneak up and plant me on my arse? Yes, it does. I suspect it always will. There is no guarantee that it won’t completely take over again and shove me right back to square one. But without my controlling and interference things are easier, better. So we plod on with Day 365 firmly in our sights, living a quiet and isolated life and taking each day as it comes.