Our psych left us with plenty to think about yesterday. We’re not sure if the message we got was the one she meant to convey, but what we heard was that we can’t magic people out of thin air to care for us, we must begin to care for ourselves. We used to find that fairly easy, but things have slipped beyond our control in the last year and we don’t want them to slip any further. But there have been a lot of changes for us in that time, and we need to find new ways of living that fit with the changes.
So we’ve made some plans. Not terribly firm plans, but vague ideas of what we need to do – it might not be me who does them but I’m starting to realise that doesn’t matter. So what if someone else does some of the things I used to do? The idea of S going to my therapy appointment last week would have been impossible a year ago, six months ago, even four weeks ago. So why is the idea of S – or whoever – doing other stuff so scary? It doesn’t need to be. I don’t need to have as much control as I do – I’ve let go of a lot of things but there is much work to do.
Today we drew up a list of things we would like to do. Some just aren’t possible at the moment, some may never be. Some of the things need help from other people. But we’ve narrowed it down to things that are doable and that involve an element of caring for ourselves. Everyone has something on the list, everyone will have the chance to do that thing or to have someone else do it if an agreement can be reached. It will probably be a bit messy and chaotic at first but we haven’t come this far to give up now.
We don’t expect miracles, but to have something to tell our psych next week would be good. Even if all that we have to say is that we did one thing as an act of caring for ourselves.