Since we started this blog we have usually kept a couple of spare posts in drafts for the days when we have nothing much to say. It seems we’ve used them all.
So we’re going to waffle about progress, or lack of, with our nemesis anxiety which you may recall came back into our life with no warning at the start of May.
Since then we have done a lot of work. We’ve beaten ourselves up at our lack of progress, we’ve spent hours walking round the hospital car park with our psych, we’ve walked out of appointments and even cancelled an appointment – for the first time in nearly six years. We’ve learnt to use the ‘bring it on’ technique, we’ve switched to using plural pronouns, we’ve done a lot of work on our own to undo the screw up we made denying our system and have instead worked towards acceptance and cooperation.
We have done exposure work, we have ridden out the panic – and run away from it! We have tried and tested pretty much everything we have learnt or read about. It has been a long road, but now we can at least – touch wood – stay in appointments, in the room, where we are meant to be and do in the work we are meant to be doing.
On Wednesday we see our CPN and, boosted by a good session with our psych on Friday we left a message at her office that we’d like to go out instead of having our appointment at home. This feels like a massive step – we have only managed to get to a few places so far. But it has to be done eventually so why not now?
We need to check she can keep us safe, we need to take with us everything we could possibly need, we need to know that she won’t be overwhelmed if the anxiety hits, or if we switch to cope. We’re pretty sure we already know the answers, but we still need to check.
So – everything crossed – on Wednesday we might be in town, we might even risk stopping for coffee. It’s the next logical step, and who better to do it with than someone we all trust. Short of kidnapping our psych, this is the best chance we have of finally kicking anxiety to the kerb.
Let’s do it.