People leaving us has come up twice this week, so it makes sense to blog it.
On Wednesday we bumped into our CPN at the hospital and she mentioned she was considering extending her leave from one week to two so would rearrange our appointment. ‘You’re coming back?’ She told us she is, but we ‘hmmmmmed’ as we walked away.
By Friday morning we needed to know she was definitely coming back. She’s had a hectic few weeks and we were thinking burnout, this is it, she’s leaving. We managed to speak to her and blurt out that we need to know she’ll be back. She reassured us that yes, she is, and booked an appointment for the end of the month.
Later on Friday we saw our psych and while discussing motivation and the need to always be pushing and making progress someone shoved the words ‘we have to get this done before you leave’ out of our mouth. Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. Our psych also reassured us that she has no plans to leave anytime soon – left unsaid (fortunately, because it unsettles us) was that eventually she won’t be there because we won’t always need her – and that she’s in this for the long haul.
People leaving is a big thing for us, a real fear. Because so many others have left us? We don’t know. Why it came up this week, again we don’t know. Maybe just because my CPN is on leave, or maybe because we feel we’ve wasted time being so anxious, or maybe because I am trying to be less in control and get to know our system better.
At least now we can verbalise that fear, whereas before we would have pushed people away instead.