Yesterday afternoon we saw our psych for our weekly appointment. As has become the norm, she sat and we stood/paced. We took with us several pages I had written over the past few days – thoughts, questions, the unreal feelings, which we left with her to read in her own time.
My thought that I need to start over she interpreted as not a new beginning but the next phase in our work. Call it what you like, my approach needs to change – the new we/us/our is the first step – and our psych said the questions I had written as a way to changing my outlook were good ones. We asked her to write the answers down so we can keep them to look at if and when we need to, or if someone else inside wants to read them.
I also explained that I think belief and acceptance are the way forward and we discussed that for a bit, relating it to the fact we don’t remember a head injury received in a car accident we were in some twenty years ago but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. The scar from the accident is still there and so, our psych says, are the emotional scars from our past. It’s just that we can’t see them. We need to remember that.
We also discussed the mental health professionals we have seen previously who drummed into us that we must do the work, must fill in sheets, must prove we are trying and deserve their help. This, along with an old message of ‘always do your best’ goes a long way back and is what motivates us. Our psych said we don’t need to prove anything anymore, we do deserve the help we are receiving, and that is something we need to remember – there are no tick boxes, no targets, no sheets to fill in. Not now. Linked to this, she had nothing to add to what we are already doing in terms of the anxiety, and advised us to trust our instincts. I’ll try.
We’re meeting on Thursday next week, and my CPN is on leave so I think I might ease up a little – a lazy weekend, some dog walks, and a bit less pushing myself. See what happens. And hopefully we will have answers to our questions soon.