I have achieved quite a lot in the three days since I walked out of my psych appointment because of anxiety. On Friday I forced myself to go out twice – once to Asda and once up the lane to the countryside with my daughter, on Saturday I went into town to buy a card and then strolled through the nearby fields with my daughter, and yesterday I went to the chemist to pick up a repeat prescription.
All this without any sense of achievement. Nothing but feeling somewhat deflated and rather flat. It is an odd feeling. But I figure it is a good thing – most people don’t celebrate making it to the supermarket. Maybe, just maybe, this is the start of turning a corner.
When I am out I tell the anxiety to bring it on, to do its worst, and it doesn’t. This is also a good thing. Internally I am attempting to reinforce belief – from myself and from others. Whatever happens, I can say I tried my hardest.
And when it comes to truth and belief I need to remember –