I have talked a lot about anxiety recently and not much about my parts. I tend to talk about what is on my mind at the time, what is concerning me, what is my focus.
Over the five days since my last appointment with my psych (with anyone, given I cancelled my CPN) I have been attempting to find out if this anxiety does, in fact, belong to a part and not to this me per se. I have taken time to talk internally and tried, using different techniques, to reach all the ages in my ‘system’.
The result has been a mixed bag. Reactions range from it being all this me’s fault and I am wrong to look internally, through to disappointment and anger that I am not spending any time with their safe person – my psych. I have made time for everyone, done activities for everyone and so far I am no closer to finding the solution.
Meanwhile, no matter what I do or don’t do and almost without me noticing, my world is still shrinking. For now I am pinning my hopes on the summer holidays – not getting up for school, lazy but structured days, hopefully some nice weather so I can enjoy the new garden, time for me and my ‘system’ to rest and regroup, and baby steps to slowly broaden my horizons again. School finishes in eleven days.
If the key to all this lies inside my ‘system’ then they are the ones I and my team need to be talking to. Not easy when anxiety prevents me staying at appointments and leaves me unable to think about anything else. I have offered an open invitation internally for someone else to attend my appointment tomorrow, I just hope it helps.