Can I scrape any positives from the very bottom of the barrel today? I made it to my psych appointment, burst into tears and told her just how bad the anxiety is. I had to go to show her I was trying, to show her how this is destroying me, to show her how hard this is on a daily basis, to make her understand that this has been my life for eight long weeks. I stayed for all of five minutes. I cancelled my CPN appointment. It was not a good day.
But there are positives:
- I attended my appointment, albeit briefly
- My psych got to see the reality I’m living with and not the front I’ve been able to maintain so far
- Nobody saw me walking home in tears
- I have supportive friends in the real world, on Facebook and on Twitter
- I’m home and my daughter is home
- It’s the weekend
- I have tea
It is very bottom of the barrel but there you go, a list of positives. And, adding one more, maybe this is as far as I can fall before I start to climb back out. I’m gutted I had to cancel my CPN – the first appointment I’ve cancelled in five and a half years – but it was worth it to let my psych see what I’m attempting to cope with.
And now, to breathe and to relax.