I find myself in an odd position, one I am not used to.
Having set the wheels in motion regarding medication for the anxiety that just doesn’t want to go away, thinking I was making a sensible decision to help me on a short term basis, I told my psych.
My psych knows me better than anyone and probably better than I know myself, I both value and respect her opinions. I havent disagreed with her – until now. From her psychological perspective, she would prefer me to remain med free.
I can fully see her point – there are some meds that can have a negative impact on the work we are doing. And the work we are doing is both important and beneficial. She believes it is the anxiety of my system and that we must work through it with each part in order to understand and conquer it. She’s very probably right, but it’s me who feels the physical effects and I must balance an hour of therapy per week with being able to function as a person and as a parent for the other 167 hours.
My psych says she trusts me to make the right decision, and I certainly don’t want to jeopardise the work we are doing. Yesterday I was adamant I was making the right decision, today I am wondering if I just need to suck it up and get on with it. And all the while my world, already quite small, shrinks further and my return to the person I was just six weeks ago seems less likely.
I have a lot to think about and weigh up.