I am writing my final assignments for my degree, and I tweeted my word count. It led me to wonder why I am even doing this – why I want a degree that I will probably never be able to use. When every word is torture to write and my life is consumed by books and papers, graduation seems a very long way away even though it is just round the corner.
Truthfully, I want the degree to prove that mental illness doesn’t equal stupidity. To prove all the people who think I can’t do it wrong. To prove I haven’t just sat on my butt feeling sorry for myself. To prove my brain does work, even if part of it is wired a little differently.
But I do wonder if it is all a waste of time. Will I ever be mentally well enough to do a job that utilises my degree? Would I have got better results had I not been mentally ill?
Unanswerable questions. Not unlike the essay question I am currently attempting to answer.