I am not hungry. I am not hungry. I am not hungry. I am not hungry.
I am hungry. Bloody starving, if I’m honest. But I cannot eat. Not yet. Day 2 of no food, an extra sugar in all my drinks. This isn’t how I want to live. But I don’t have a choice – I can no sooner eat than someone with depression can cheer up. Food is off limits at the moment. Eventually I will work out why – somewhere in my tangle of punishment and reward, somewhere in my ‘system’ of parts, is the answer. But I haven’t found it yet. There is no point trying to make myself eat, I know from experience that would be a bad idea.
61 calories per mug of tea.
I drink lots of tea. Tea is allowed, is safe. Until I can eat again, it will keep me going.
I don’t count calories, never have. Not this me. But someone, somewhere, has worked out that tea with semi skimmed milk and three sugars – I normally take two – is 61 calories. I don’t care. But someone does. The question is, who? And why?