I’m writing this post in advance of it being published as I know I won’t be online much tomorrow thanks to an appointment with the dentist. So I’ve scheduled it to publish itself later.
I have spent most of my time today trying to stay both present and grounded – not terribly successfully as I felt myself about to switch earlier while chatting with my little sister and had to log off with very little warning. Now, lying in bed, I can feel myself starting to shut down in preparation for my appointment.
I once read somewhere a description of living as a multiple being like driving a bus where my parts are the passengers and everyone takes turns to drive with varying degrees of success. It’s an analogy I like, because it explains it almost perfectly. Tonight, I do not know who is driving the bus – not me, maybe not anyone, maybe the bus has a kind of autopilot.
I am here, but I feel as if I am a step back from the front. This is how I cope with the triggers of doctors, dentists etc. so that I can get through appointments and keep things together until I am safely at home. I may not understand what happens, I may not know who is driving the bus, but I know it works.