In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep
I’m restless. It’s cold and dark and quiet outside and I want, need, to walk. To head out and leave everything behind me with no idea where I will go, how long I will be or whether I will return. The night is calling to me, over and over.
But upstairs, asleep in her bed, is my daughter, dreaming of goodness knows what and caring about nothing. I know I cannot leave her, wouldn’t ever leave her, but the urge to do so is immense and I must fight myself and my parts to stay at home.
I must be looking for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it’s too hard to cross
I do not understand the call of the darkness, can only say that when I am out in the empty streets feeling the cold air and hearing nothing but my footsteps I know that I am alive.
I’m not sure what it is I am walking away from – myself? Probably. I am drawn to the emptiness of a sleeping town where, maybe, I can find whatever it is I am incessantly searching for.
And I’ve been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole
And yet I cannot go out and greet the darkness tonight. I must pace the house like a lion paces its cage, up and down up and down, never finding the peace I so desperately want, need.
I don’t know why I go walking at night
But now I’m tired and I don’t want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn’t take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I’ve been looking for
All lyrics from River of Dreams by Billy Joel