Today, Wednesday, is my Thursday this week because I am heading out to see my psych soon. And I really don’t want to. This is unusual for me, normally I don’t have any problem attending appointments with her but today feels different.
After the stress of Monday I need her input but I’m also aware that my CPN saw more of how I am than I normally reveal. This is not necessarily a bad thing, and she was fab, but I didn’t do a great job of keeping a lid on the weirdness and I’m not sure I want the feedback. I’m still slightly triggered two days later – revisiting it could be exactly what I need or it could be a disaster. But I know I have an appointment at the dentist to get through so there is work to be done to try and make that slightly more bearable.
My psych, as I’ve said before, is my constant in an ever changing world. Once a week I know she will reach me, all of me, and try to balance my distorted view of things. I doubt I’ll be able to do much about the triggers associated with the dentist in the two weeks before my appointment, but her input is vital. I’m also acutely aware that I told my CPN things on Monday that my psych doesn’t yet know about – normally it’s the other way round – so I need to redress the balance and make sure everyone is on the same page.
That’s if she turns up, of course. She lives out of town and it snowed last night, not much but maybe there’s more where she is – the roads might be bad – and she won’t make it. There goes the catastrophic thinking again. I’ll know soon enough.
There might not be much snow but there’s enough to make the world quiet. When K has gone to school I’ll make a mug of tea, sit out in the garden and enjoy the stillness.