I’ve lost my sleep. Yes, I know, eventually I will just crash (I read this from HuffPost, it confirmed this cannot go on forever although I may end up a vegetable with my eyes open) but that doesn’t help me right now. The whole simultaneously awake while asleep thing (see here) which I’m blaming on starting then stopping the Lorazepam isn’t doing me any favours – last night while awake/asleep in bed I arrested a man with a shiv made out of a carrot and a razor blade – but although I’m exhausted I can’t nod off.
I am too tired for anything to make sense so I decided to curl up on the sofa this morning instead of studying……I’m still awake and not remotely rested, and my assignment is becoming more urgent by the day. If I take lorazepam (I have some left) then I may sleep but the pea souper is likely to descend on my brain again and I already know I can’t study like that. But if I don’t sleep soon I can’t study either. And, assuming this is from stopping the lorazepam, I would then have to do it all over again. Neither is terribly appealing.
Tomorrow I see my psychologist, and at the moment I am pinning everything on that appointment because I have nothing else. Maybe whatever it is that is causing the increased head noise – which is what led to the lorazepam in the first place – can be resolved in the morning. And, maybe, I will then be able to study effectively and write this assignment.