When you have mental health problems, you somehow end up knowing lots of other people with mental health problems. And, law of averages or something, you’re going to lose some of them.
Two years ago today my friend Krissy decided she had battled with her demons for long enough and it was time to surrender. She was found dead in her home. Along with our friend Jackie we were the three musketeers, if one of us was about then the other two weren’t far behind. Except on that day in 2012 when there was just Krissy.
I’ve been back over our last conversations so many times since then – did I miss something, was there something I could have said or done? I don’t think there were any signs of what she had planned, I certainly couldn’t (and still can’t) see them in our messages the day before she died. So I’ve come to accept that she didn’t want help, didn’t want any other outcome. I just hope she found peace, and is free of her demons.
If you’re feeling suicidal, having suicidal thoughts, or planning your own death, please reach out for help if you can. Ring the Samaritans, they won’t try to talk you out of taking your own life but they might help you to see a different way. Follow the advice in your care plan, if you have one. Call a trusted friend or family member. There is a way back from feeling suicidal, I promise. But death is final. Krissy can’t come back, and you won’t either.